A new inspiration

I still remember the day someone suggested that I write a blog. Having just started an adoption process, people wanted to follow our story, to stay in the loop and be up-to-date on whatever step we were on. So I stepped out of my comfort zone and gave it a try, putting my normally private world and thoughts on a not-so-private forum. And I found a form of communication that suited me, a place where I finally felt safe to be myself and share my heart. People around me, including family, finally had a window into my heart. I didn't know then what I know now about my introverted nature and how freeing a blog could feel. Now people could know me, the real, deep, authentic me without waiting for me to speak up--because I probably never would. I'm a deep thinker and have so much to say, but very little ever comes to the surface in a timely manner. Unless we sat one-on-one over coffee or chai on a rainy day, I tended to keep my thoughts to myself. Everything changed when I started a blog.

Little did I know that first blog would end up being my safe place to bleed out my heart when that adoption failed. And that documenting all that grief would preserve the details and the raw emotion to turn it into a book two years later. 

So the book came out and I closed the blog, re-inspired to start a new one with a new purpose. A place to simply share my heart. Which then led into another adoption process, a new son, and another book. I kept that blog going so I could document and share our lives and our adventures as a new family of four. 

I love being able to look back at my blog for details of my life and of all the memories we made. But when God moved me and Mike back to Indiana, leaving our sons in Texas, I found it harder and harder to write on that blog. Grief messed with my ability to focus and concentrate, and writing felt like a duty rather than a release. And the more I added to it made it feel cluttered and forced. 

Now that I'm finally settling in to my new home and feel like I'm truly connecting with new friends and family here, I'm realizing that I am free to reinvent myself, my space, and my purpose. Writing has to follow inspiration, and my greatest inspiration right now comes from my daily walks with God on this beautiful country road surrounded by nature's ever-changing landscape through each season. I think I had to walk this road through the entire cycle of seasons to fully appreciate it. So now I invite you to join me on my walks up and down this country road so I can share what God is teaching me through the current season we're in.